I’m James McLintock, MA Clinical Psychology, and I am passionate about helping adults stabilize and recover from devastating wounds of divorce, separation, or the ending of a long-term relationship.
I specialize in Divorce Adjustment, co-facilitate Divorce Care workshops, and provide Divorce Adjustment Behavioral Health Therapy in private practice at Living Water Counseling in Carlsbad, California.
WHY I’M WRITING ABOUT DIVORCE ADJUSTMENT:
Research indicates that it takes nearly two years to stabilize from the shattering effects of the termination of a lengthy relationship. From where you might be sitting, two years might feel like a lifetime away. I hear you—and I’ve been there. Nearly 20 years ago—long before I would ever become a clinical psychology counselor—I experienced the bio-psycho-social-spiritual tornado called ‘divorce’ that tore through the very fabric of my heart and soul, and do you know what I learned?
After losing 40 pounds in one month, not sleeping for what seemed like forever, and being fitted by my dentist with a bite guard to protect my teeth from incessant jaw grinding—it hit me: people are not built to experience the depth and the breadth of the totality of feelings, moods, and temperaments that blind-side us from the catastrophic event called ‘divorce’.
Research shows us that the sooner we can normalize what is happening to you, and the sooner we can work on you forgiving you, the sooner you will stabilize. Let’s see if we can expedite your healing. I think we can.
Ready to start? Open your text book to Chapter 1.
CHAPTER 1: STEPS TO NORMALIZING—UNDERSTAND YOU ARE BEING AMBUSHED!
What happened to you? In what seemed like overnight, your life changed from “hope and future” to “I’m not sure what hope feels like anymore and I’m not even sure how to spell future.” Day by day, minute by minute, and maybe even second by second, you are waylaid by a never-ending stream of emotions—and in the blink of an eye, you have become an out-of-control ball of flashing chained lightning. Each bolt is deeply embedded with feelings and sensations—and each and every one of the lightning bolts are distinctly labeled---one bolt is called “anxiety” and another bolt is called “panic” and another bolt is called “fear” and another bolt is called “hopeless” and another bolt is called “grief” and another bolt is called “the deepest despair that you will ever feel.” Just when you thought that your storm was calming, well, the lightning bolt called “even deeper despair” thundered, blasting you down into the depths of desolation and, well… you get the picture. We call this “being ambushed by grief”.
Question for you: Are you are feeling the exact same thing? What’s happening to you? Are you being ambushed? Are you thirsting to feel better?
Today's blog was written by James McLintock, Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern, IMF 74183. James is supervised by Kathryn Kirk, LMFT, MFC 44312
To connect directly with James, email him at LivingWater.[email protected].com